about a month ago my husband came home to find this on his pillow...a positive pregnancy test...left by me of course.
it was very bitter sweet for us as...with my other two pregnancies, two weeks after i get a positive test i become extremely ill for about 5 months.
i hoped and prayed that this time would be different.
the nausea came right on time.
it was fierce and relentless.
3 days later i was in ER.
6 days after that i found myself there again.
in less than 2 weeks i had lost 11 pounds.
i could not eat or drink, my body was in starvation mode.
i cannot describe to you the pain that comes with this.
i spend my days and nights praying and crying.
my first trip to the ER, i recieved a text from my sister-in-law margo, saying she was flying in that night to stay with us and help out in any way she could.
she has been here ever since.
she takes care of my house and brings me little things to eat.
but most of all she cares for my kids and loves each of them exactly the way they are.
she comes in at night, sits on my bed, and tells me about their day together and little things she appreciates about them.
i owe her so much and will someday find a way to repay her.
this last friday i received in home IV care.
i have an IV in my hand and another line into my stomach for my anti-nausea medication.
my husband wakes up in the middle of the night and changes my IV bags and tubes, he also has to change the location of the line into my stomach daily, he holds my hand at night and listens to me cry even though it means no sleep for him...i cry as i think of all he has done for me and am incredibly grateful for him.
i can eat little bits of food ever since receiving the in home care, and can even eat ice chips now.
it has made such a difference and has made life somewhat bearable.
my dad checks in on me pretty much daily with a phone call or text to see how i am doing.
the other day he called me and i was really struggling.
i said to him, "one of the hardest parts about this is that i just keep praying, and i feel like the Lord just doesn't care about me ."
my dad responded with, "the Lord has you exactly where he wants you to be."
i knew he was right.
with my pregnancies combined, so far i have spend over a year of my life bed ridden and completely miserable.
but when it comes down to it i wouldn't trade the experience for anything.
it has been the hardest thing i have ever done.
it has stretched me beyond anything i ever would have thought i was capable of.
i has made me grateful for every single day that i feel healthy.
if i ever start to feel like i can't do something...i think back to how horrible this experience was and a fire ignites inside me.
i cannot think of a single day that my kids and i (when i am not sick) have not lived a day to it's fullest.
that my friends is a gift.
i owe that to the lord and the things he has taught me through the trials he has given me.
i want to say thank you to my friends and my family who have fasted and prayed on my behalf...i feel it.
*if you have been checking my blog wondering where i have been, now you know...
and you better not believe even for a second that you have seen the last of me!